Working with signs and synchronicity: dating edition

Seeing the signs in times of vulnerability

When we are attached to an outcome, it is almost impossible to get a clear read on a situation. There are days when I get exacting and specific impressions of what will happen for my clients or friends, but if I want something to happen in my own life, when I’m desperate to know something, forget it. I can’t always see clearly when my heart is on the line. 

Few things get us to feel activated and vulnerable the way dating does. Especially in online dating situations, when you have to make a profile of your stats, state your intention, and actually ask for something you want. Asking for what we want requires risk and vulnerability. 

Seeking love and connection is, without question, one of the most courageous things we can do, and when we are in that activating process of taking a leap of faith, it is difficult to see things clearly. 

I am writing to you today to answer questions I’ve received on Instagram, in sessions, and from friends about seeing the signs in these trying times. My expertise in this area is not as a therapist or relationship expert but as a human who has loved many people throughout my life and a psychic medium who sits with those who have lost lovers in various ways or who mourn never having found the love they are seeking. 

First, here is a little background if you’re a new reader. One of the blessings of my life is having my ex-husband as a close friend. We were able to be there for each other through dating after seventeen years of being married to one another. Although, it was a non traditional marriage. Meeting at twenty years old (the current age of our oldest child; wow, can’t believe that sentence) and both freshly traumatized created a unique bond between us. I’ve never asked him this, but I feel that my being gay has somehow allowed our friendship to not only survive but flourish. Turns out in some circumstances men and women can be friends, contrary to what I was taught by Billy Crystal in the 80s. 

After my divorce, I decided to start online dating, and because it was in 2020 and COVID was a huge concern,  I was arranging my first Facetime “date” with a woman I’d been chatting to on a lesbian dating app. I remember saying to a friend, “This feels so important. It’s all-consuming.” And I remember she said, if it feels important, it is important, but maybe it’s about you taking control of your life and having freedom that’s important. 

That perspective brought me so much clarity. If you’ve just begun dating again and you have a feeling of urgency, like something life-changing is about to happen, consider that it already has. Being in your power can create a magnificent energetic charge. Being free and having the desire to connect with someone is electric. 

I hardly remember that first Facetime date from the dating app, but I remember she did most of the talking, and I was bored.  

I met my wife shortly after that, and I had the same huge, exciting, energetic reaction to our plans and texts. The shift came when I saw her face to face. Rather than feeling energized and all-consuming, I felt relaxed and at home when I was with her.  

There were, however, signs, and synchronicities to the nth degree that had me questioning my sanity and searching for logical reasons for our connection…at one point I even questioned if she was stalking me. The coincidences were just too unbelievable. 

This is me texting a patient and kind medium friend: 

Me: So, this girl I’ve been talking to, Rachel, just sent me this YouTube clip and told me to start watching at 3:45 seconds, and I’d know her sense of humor. Well…I watched it, and it’s one of my favorite stand-up jokes of all time…John Mulaney is talking about Grandpa Joe from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, how he’s been in bed for twenty years but then miraculously jumps up as soon as his poor starving grandson has a golden ticket. Anyway I love this joke, and it’s so weird and SPECIFIC that she sent this to me; what do you think it means?? 

My patient and kind friend: Yeah…what’s the meaning you’ve given to that? X

Me: Either we are kindred spirits…or she’s stalking me…

Friend: I can see why that would freak you out…what else?

Me: The first time she texted me was at 11:11. She is the oldest of three girls like me. She told me that if she was born a boy, her Mom was going to name her Joshua (you know what that name means to me). Every time I think of her, she texts me. 

It felt like I was losing my mind, and in a way I was. My mind was changing, and so was my life. In disorienting times, we look for reason and meaning. Now, to answer your questions about signs and synchronicity.

 

But what exactly do the signs mean??

Remember that signs and synchronicity are like a high five from the universe. It’s a good practice to notice and question our thoughts. When you see a sign, notice what comes up for you. Try to stay detached from the outcome and assume that the Universe is sending you signs because you are taking steps to bring more love into your life. Even if you are on your way to meet someone who ends up being seemingly unimportant in your life, (like my first boring Facetime date) the universe and your spirit guides are celebrating you. Don’t overanalyze signs. Instead, pay attention to how you feel after interacting with this person. What does it feel like to be in their presence? What about afterward? 

There are so many mixed signals, and the signs make that worse. How to stop flip-flopping? 

Some really common advice that I see floating around the internet in meme format is
“take mixed signals as a no,” and for the most part, I agree, but everything is situational. I would cross this phrase out and instead say, “Be direct and honest and ask the same of others.” I dated someone who used to be very loving and complimentary in the evenings and during the daytime was cold and distant, barely responding to texts. I was afraid to ask questions that would lead to a truth I wasn't ready to hear, and our relationship ended when I finally pushed for answers, and they weren't ones I could live with. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache by being direct and welcoming of the truth. 

Do you believe in soul mates? Do we meet everyone for a reason? 

I believe every person or situation comes into our lives for a reason, and there is a lesson they bring with them. So yes, you’ve probably met them for a reason and felt drawn to them for a reason. Now, consider how many of your life lessons have been pleasant. Just because we feel drawn to someone and our soul senses an opportunity to heal, it doesn’t mean that it will be what we want for ourselves. You might recognize the lesson right away and decide to end things quickly. 

I don’t believe we have just one soulmate. In fact, I hardly ever use this word. I believe that we all have a soul family. Have you ever felt inexplicably drawn to someone for reasons you can't explain? Your soul family consists of people that your soul has been energetically drawn to over many lifetimes. Whether or not you believe in past lives, it makes sense to consider that some people are meant to be in and play an important role in your life. When you are in touch with your psychic senses, you can easily recognize and pick up on these people. If you ever feel like "I have to approach this person" without an explanation, that could be your psychic senses. This doesn't always mean that everything will work out perfectly. It could be that your soul senses an opportunity for healing and growth or recognizes another soul on a deeper level.

What about when you want to meet someone but don’t want to date because of a previous letdown? 

First, let me say that it completely makes sense that you’d want to protect your heart when you’ve been hurt before. Only you know when you are feeling strong, ready, and available for connection again. You can trust yourself to make that decision. I wonder how it would feel to have a conversation with the part of you that is afraid of getting hurt. Is there anything you could say to ensure that part of you that they are safe? When we can create a sense of safety within ourselves, we can handle being let down. I might say to myself, “self, I will be there for you no matter what happens. You will not be abandoned by those who matter most because I will never abandon you.” Then, I would give myself a hug to seal this promise. 

Can you teach me to use my intuition to the point where I know I will be safe? 

The short answer to this question is no. Bad things happen to good people, and to say yes would be a kind of victim blaming. There is simply no way to ensure we will always be safe in this world. Terrible things have happened to me when I interact with strangers, and if the same is true for you, I’m sorry, and you didn’t deserve any of it. I do know that we are unlikely to choose someone who will harm us. It’s far more likely that they will choose us as victims. The more you can be in a mindset of choosing someone instead of hoping to be chosen, the more aligned your relationships will be. When we are hoping someone will choose us, we will often discount our own feelings of intuition. We might change our appearance or preferences to catch their attention or approval. Being in touch with intuition will guide you toward people and situations that are affirming and empowering. It doesn't mean everything you choose will turn out the way you expect, but you have a much greater chance of choosing someone who will be in harmony with you if you’re acting from a place of desire and excitement rather than scarcity and fear.  

Thank you for engaging with me and asking questions about such a tender topic. I am sending you a virtual hug and all my deepest wishes for fulfilling your heart's desires. Remember that even with divination and magic, we can't control outcomes, so we might as well enjoy the journey. 

With love,

Sheryl

P.S. If you’re looking for more ways to connect, Here are ways to work with me