I am calling in courage, and there have been signs from the Universe that urge me along. I rely on courage to bring my inner world to the outside world. I am intolerant of misalignment. I no longer have patience for hiding myself.
I appreciate the signs and validation from spirit. When I waver or lay awake at night watching an imaginary movie in my mind about how things could fall apart, I’m reminded I’m not alone.
On my morning walk, as I was working up the nerve to speak my mind about something, I saw a buck step off the sidewalk right in front of me. I had never seen one in the wild before. I was in awe of the antlers as he strode across the street and hopped the fence in the exact place where the barbed wire was missing. The sight of him and the perfect timing released something in me like a lightning strike. Unpredictable and precise.
Last week, I made the hour drive to Salem, Massachusetts, to visit a friend. Several years ago, we made a pact to aim for monthly visits to be family to one another. It hasn't been easy or always possible, but it’s been so enriching. Secretly, I fear that I don’t have the best instincts when it comes to choosing friends. And it makes sense, I spent the first 35 years of my life hiding significant parts of myself (I’m 41 now).
If I’m honest, friendships make me nervous. I worry I won’t be able to meet other people's expectations. I tend to rely mostly on myself and avoid asking others for support.
When you don’t have much to give and loathe disappointing people, the safest option seems like not committing to anything.
My work, mediumship, takes immense energy, and that has been my full-time job for five years now. Knowing that energy is my currency means I need to manage it appropriately to pay my bills. Although I don’t share about them often here, my boys (17 & 18) occupy most of my free time and emotional space. I have chronic migraines, and I have to cancel plans more than I’d like. This has been a detriment to friendships in the past.
It is difficult to share these things. I have to silence the inner monologue that “people don’t want to hear about this,” that “there are far worse problems I could have,” and that “I’m complaining.” But I saw a buck today, and I have courage.
So, I’ve managed to keep close to this friend. Who understands chronic illness and is, like me, self-reliant.
When we get together, I feel like the best version of myself, and the feeling lasts long after we part. I can stop filtering myself and fall into the familiar rhythm of our unbound conversations. Laughing and crying without hesitation, taking up equal space together. Feeling more like our spirits are intertwining than our words.
Knowing that I have this friendship has given me strength over the last few years. Like most people through the pandemic, we both experienced alternating heartbreaks. We began sending lightning bolt emojis to one another to signify personal power.
Our texts would read:
Can you send me some good vibes? 💖
Yes! Sending ⚡️⚡️⚡️
I started seeing lightning bolts when I needed that burst of strength. The kind that only a good friend who believes in you can impart.
Last year, at a group mediumship demonstration, a woman in the front row was wearing a sweater with lightning bolts on it. “Not to make this about me,” I told her, “but that’s a very good sign that tonight will be special,” and it was.
Last week, as my friend and I were walking past the Hawthorn Hotel and the historic homes on Essex Street, a little girl hopped along in front of us. She was dressed head to toe in a pink and yellow lightning bolt-pattened romper. I pointed, and we both grabbed each other’s arms, smiling, knowing what a lovely sign from the Universe that was.
A celebratory synchronicity sending power and strength to us both.
I recently finished a blog on synchronicity with loads of examples and personal stories. I hope that someone (or lots of someones) feeling lost and unsure about signs will stumble upon it and know they are not alone.
If you’d like to learn more, read Notice the Magic: Examples of Real-Life Synchronicities
Until next week, I’m sending you ⚡️💖⚡️💖,
Sheryl
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You're a beautiful writer, Sheryl, and not just because of this (which I lovelovelove), "When we get together, I feel like the best version of myself, and the feeling lasts long after we part. I can stop filtering myself and fall into the familiar rhythm of our unbound conversations. Laughing and crying without hesitation, taking up equal space together. Feeling more like our spirits are intertwining than our words. "
It's because you touch the tender places with grace and hope.
Thank you