I write to you after a weekend that had me ping-ponging between grief and heartbreak for what’s happening in the world and pure fun adventuring with my thirteen-year-old nephew who visited us.
I found myself in a grief spiral watching the news, imagining the suffering of innocent Palestinian people, and witnessing the pain of my Jewish community. My body reacts in fear to antisemitic attacks I see spreading around the world, and I need to work to regulate my nervous system. My brain needs a detox before I can engage meaningfully with any type of social media again.
I notice in times of stress, my instinct is to reach for my phone to seek connection. But what happens when those we found a connection with feel unsafe, unequipped to meet us, or rightfully tending to their own grief and rage at the world?
I need to reach for a more solid foundation if I’m going to show up in my work and hold space in the busiest season of the year. October through January is the high season for mediumship, and as I am overwhelmed with gratitude to be fully booked with work until mid-January, it is not something I take lightly. Being able to connect someone to a loved one they are grieving feels like the most important work I can do right now.
Life is wholly worth showing up for, even without the circumstance of having a calendar laid out before you. Your time, energy, and attention are precious.
This weekend, I talked with a friend who is navigating a breakup, one who is applying to art schools, and another who is clawing their way through the onset of seasonal depression. We are all equally worthy of our time and attention even as the world feels like it’s crumbling.
So, how do we cope? How do we rip our eyes away from headlines long enough to see a friend in need or meet our child's gaze across the dinner table?
What works for each of us will vary, but here is what I’m reaching for.
Limiting my intake
When we live on social media, especially when it’s tied to our work, our emotions are controlled by algorithms. Interruptions and distractions can hijack our day and our emotional well-being. Disconnecting is essential for my energy levels to rebalance. All the meditation in the world is not going to undo 4 hours of scrolling and absorbing a comment section. I deleted social media apps from my phone for my sanity over the weekend, and I’m looking into ways to disconnect further and set limits. I’ll be posting from my desktop for now and leaving my phone to charge in another room overnight.
Being present for joy
Last weekend, we took my son and nephew on a pedal cart adventure along Narragansett Bay during sunset. The best part for me was having our phones locked in a storage basket for the six-mile trip. There is fun waiting for us in the present. The energetic boost of pure teenage boy giggling, burning marshmallows over a fire, and making bouquets of fall leaves can’t be fully experienced without presence. Being present for joy, believing we deserve it, and making opportunities for it will make us all more loving and effective as humans.
Noticing my body
Your body will tell you what you need clearer than your mind, especially in periods of stress or overwhelm. I spent the day with my friend last week, and we visited a cemetery where both our grandparents are buried. We had to search for a while to find her relative's graves. As we walked, my friend said, “I’m going to take my shoes off and get some grounding.” I immediately did the same, surprised I hadn’t noticed up till then how much I longed to. We ended up sitting in the grass, stretched out with bare feet, running our hands over the dried leaves. The experience brought me a great sense of connection; I could feel my heart rate lower and my breathing deepen. How wise our bodies are knowing exactly what we need.
Aligned actions
In the past, it has felt to me as though the world is breaking all at once as I awakened to injustices. Part of those awakenings have included being preoccupied with what other people are doing or not doing. That’s something we’re seeing now play out on social media. The need to control other's behavior comes from feeling a lack of control ourselves. None of us are helpless against the injustices of the world, and standing up for our values is a marathon, not a sprint. Organizing with people in my community, donating, calling representatives, and divesting financially is far more world-changing than yelling at strangers online. I believe we all want peace at our core, but there is a human part of us that loves drama. Taking actions that align with my values gives me a foundation of strength to draw from when it feels as though the world is ending. I know I am always doing something to help, and everything is connected.
Reaching for gratitude
We are almost out of October, my grief month and the anniversary of my near-death experience. This year, I had a resurgence of flashbacks that shook me and left me questioning, almost 19 years in, when is this part of my healing going to be behind me? The tinsel-covered affirmations I write for myself become extremely simple, and I wake up and remind myself—” You have legs, you are alive, it is good you are here.” I remember laying in the hospital months away from recovery, in excruciating pain, and seeking the smallest ways to feel gratitude. I would focus on the feeling of rubbing my fingertips together, letting an ice cube melt slowly in my mouth, or the gratitude I felt for being able to speak. Gratitude is truly all around us, and the smaller we start, the more powerful it is.
As I write this, I am grateful to have been able to hug both my children and tell them I love them this morning and to be warm inside on this rainy morning. I’d love to hear what you’re grateful for if you’d like to share.
I am immensely grateful for you, dear reader. I imagine as you read this, you have also been feeling the pain of the world. I hope for the few moments you’ve spent here with me, you’ve found something that resembles comfort or connection. I am sending you my love and surrounding you with light.
Love,
Sheryl
P.S. Thank you for reading The Electric Curtain. If you’d like to support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber, commenting, or sharing this post with a friend.
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