Practicing Vulnerability
How We Change by Doing Hard Things Repeatedly and Our Collective Card Reading
Lately, I have been thinking about change in new ways. First, let me explain the old way of thinking. It goes something like this: Change is hard. Change is something that happens to me. Change is something I need to work through.
A few weeks ago my therapist said to me that people with PTSD tend to think that we have something fundamentally wrong with us. But this feeling is a symptom of trauma, not a personal failing or personality flaw.
This has been true for me. My brain seems hardwired to seek control, scan for flaws, and try to correct them before any damage is done. I’ve noticed that I experience this less frequently in areas of my life where I’m more practiced at vulnerability, such as my work, my writing, and interactions with familiar people.
Partly because I have developed boundaries that allow me to share my work with the world. I don’t spend my days monitoring reactions or trying to manage everyone’s response.
The other factor is practice and repetition. I’ve hit publish on enough articles, done enough mediumship readings, and written enough work emails that these things no longer feel new. Over time, the threat has been neutralized.
That got me to consider how I might change on purpose. Rather than avoiding situations that stretched my capacity, I began to wonder if they were the very things that could expand it. What if I did the hard thing enough times that my body would eventually catch up? What if I focused intentionally on the unpracticed vulnerability and saw whether I could move the needle on what felt comfortable?
Over the last few weeks, I’ve said yes to things I normally wouldn’t. Things like having deep, honest conversations with strangers, being interviewed on a podcast and not over preparing, taking my son with me to an in-person mediumship practice group and spontaneously sharing.
All of these things have been hard for me. Afterwards, I notice the desire to replay my words back to myself and examine interactions from various perspectives. Did I overshare? Respond appropriately? My brain searching for evidence of any failings. I let myself be with these thoughts without trying to fix anything. Here’s what I noticed.
Each time, I’d imagine my capacity for vulnerability expanding, like a muscle that grows stronger through small tears and repair. Each time stings a little less. I notice I’ve made tiny strides. I’ve stayed with my own discomfort a little longer. Not by ignoring my desire to leave interactions or retreat, but by acknowledging it and promising myself ten more minutes. A little longer. I’ve also noticed that not planning ahead allows me to relax more. Every time I survive an unplanned conversation or uncertain moment, I collect a little more evidence that I can trust myself.
Perhaps vulnerability, like anything else, becomes easier with practice.
Here is our collective card reading:
(Scroll slowly if you don’t want to see the cards revealed before you choose.)
How this works: I invite you to take a slow, grounding breath and let your attention settle. When you’re ready, look at the three cards and notice which one, two, or three, you feel most drawn to. Trust your intuition. Then scroll below the photo to read the message connected to your card(s) and let it support you over the days and weeks ahead. As always, please take what resonates and leave the rest.
If you chose 1:
The Four of Wands
The Four of Wands signals a time for happiness and celebration. Sometimes when this card lands in our path, we already know what we’re celebrating. Other times, we might feel like we have nothing to acknowledge or no particular reason to be joyful.
I don’t think this card is always asking us to celebrate a major milestone. Sometimes simply making it this far deserves our attention. We need reasons to rally. We need opportunities to recognize our own efforts and the efforts of those around us. It can be a reminder that small wins count too.
There is something deeply nourishing about encouragement, whether it comes from others or from within. This card invites us to notice what is working and what is worthy of acknowledgment. Sometimes simply celebrating the work of being alive is enough of a reason.
If you chose 2:
The Ten of Swords
Ten pointy swords hang in the air above thorny branches, and a skull lies below. There’s no denying that something painful has happened. There’s grief here.
It reminds me of words I heard during meditation this morning while I was trying very hard to lose awareness and go deeper into the spirit realm. Spirit shared with me that losing ourselves is closely connected to finding ourselves. Just as birth and death are linked, we move through portals and thresholds throughout our lives.
The Ten of Swords is a difficult card to see and an even more difficult card to find ourselves living through. It speaks to the grief we carry, painful endings, and necessary releases. The silver lining is that the end of one cycle signals the beginning of another. Release creates space—an invitation to remain open to what is emerging.
If you chose 3:
The Queen of Wands
If a card could embody encouragement, I think the Queen of Wands would be it. This particular version of the card spent months as the screensaver on my phone while I was working on a creative project. Whenever I looked at her, she felt like a reminder to keep going.
The Queen of Wands is passion in action. She takes ideas and gives them somewhere to live. She reminds us that confidence is not always something we have before we begin. Sometimes confidence is built through participation, through showing up, creating, and allowing ourselves to be seen.
She encourages us to let go of self-consciousness in favor of experience, to nurture the parts of ourselves that want to be expressed, and to cheer on the people around us as readily as we cheer for ourselves. There is vitality in this card, a sense of momentum and possibility. A reminder that our enthusiasm, creativity, and presence matter.
Thanks for being here and for reading.
With love,
Sheryl
P.S. Here are more ways to connect with me:
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Where else you can find me:
Website: sherylwagnermedium.com
It is so hard to overcome being self-conscious. It is even harder to let go of control. And yet these two traits are probably the worst obstacles, and they are going to stop us from self-examination that could be crucial. Thank you for showing us how it can be done.
Loved the stories you shared around pushing yourself to let go of control and be in vulnerability. So many of us need these reminders and the stories from others to help us do the same thing. Thank you. ♥️