I’ve been accused of changing my mind a lot. As a kid, I quit sports teams on the first day, tried to leave summer camp early, and begged to stop playing the piano. Younger me believed I was doomed to wander from one obsessive hobby to another.
I began to rebel against this narrative, and over time I would stay in bad situations to prove “people” wrong. In high school, a friend confessed that she had been secretly mad at me for dating a guy she had liked first. She called me selfish and said she was waiting for me to break up with him. She said she knew it wouldn’t last.
Insightful of her because, as it turns out, this high school relationship was not a real love connection, with one of the main barriers being that we were both secretly queer.
But I made it last far too long.
I remember thinking, “I’m just going to have to stay in this relationship to prove myself.” Teenage me believed all her thoughts were true.
No one will take you seriously if you don’t stick with anything.
You better stay in this relationship to prove yourself.
You’ll never get anywhere if you quit.
All seemed like valid and meaningful directives from my thoughts. When I read A New Earth (almost twenty years ago now!), my mind was blown. “You are not your thoughts, you are the awareness behind them.” What a blessed relief.
Maybe if I hadn’t been so committed to that relationship, working to prove I wasn’t a selfish person, I could have been pursuing relationships with people I was interested in.
I imagined people were judging me. Sometimes my family and friends, sometimes myself, and sometimes even strangers who most likely had forgotten I existed.
I still have in the corner of my mind an audience of strangers or ex-acquaintances that I imagine judge me or think badly of my choices. I know better than to believe all of my thoughts now.
I am letting this corner collect cobwebs as long as possible. Hitting send, publish, and post regardless of who’s watching or imaginary watching.
My ADHD brain is a trip. It gives me access to thousands of ideas a day with little direction. And I love my ideas, I want to hold onto them and chase down the best ones.
Running a business has taught me to be successful and have peace, I must let go of the narrative that I’m unreliable, selfish, or inconsitsent for changing my mind.
Being afraid to change our minds also creates a fear of being seen. Before I published my book, I was terrified of putting everything into the world—my ideas, stories, and perspectives for everyone to see.
I imagined in ten years, I might not believe in any of the things I wrote about in the same way. What if it would be like reading my middle school poetry…cringe.
But my intuition was clear, and anytime I wavered, I heard, “fuck it.”
“You are supposed to change over time, you can handle the cringe.”
I know I said this applies to running a business, but it also applies to lots of other things, like parenting or relationships. I’m glad I wasn’t the kind of parent who listened to all the advice and stuck with things that weren’t working. My kids, like me, are neurodivergent, and that would have been a nightmare for everyone.
Being consistent doesn’t mean never changing your mind. You can be selfless and still grow out of something. The most reliable people I know are unafraid to change their minds and say how they feel. I know that if they show up its because they have the capacity. If they offer help, I can accept it because they know their limits. I can rely on them because they have integrity.
You can be consistently present, and reliably honest, and you are allowed to change your mind, especially with the things that matter most.
When it comes to your relationships, your work, or your kids —be ruthless about silencing self-judgment regarding your integrity. The people you imagine are judging you are not the ones who are supporting you or hiring you.
Journal prompts to explore changing your mind:
What do I give energy to that I don’t fully believe in?
If I could give myself radical permission to change my mind about something, what would it be?
What did I believe as a child that I no longer believe?
How would it feel to change my beliefs in one area of my life?
Oh, and I’ve changed my mind about how I want to share in this space. I’m still in the middle of my writing project, but I’m not going to share it the same way for the next few months. Instead, I’ll be putting a link to my more educational articles at the very bottom of the newsletter. I need this to be a free writing space again.
Thanks for being here and letting me experiment. I hope you change your mind as often as you need to, to feel free.
Love,
Sheryl
P.S. I’ll release my Uncovering Intuition Online Course in two days! There will be a special offer for those on the waitlist. Join the waitlist here.
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THIS WAS SO GREAT TO LISTEN TO - it brightened up my day immensely to hear your voice 😍🥰💓 see you soon Sheryl!!