Holding up the mirror
Imaginary arguments with strangers on the internet, projection, and our collective consciousness
I read a hot take on Instagram last week from a professional tarot reader who believes that group readings or online readings for the collective are diluting the art of tarot. “The only way,” she said, “to get an accurate message is to connect with someone one-on-one.” Readings you come across in a video “are not for you; they are for the algorithm.”
I read this and felt annoyed and exasperated.
Of course, there is universal wisdom to be shared in collective readings—for example, look at the power of collective horoscopes. I’ve read horoscopes from some of my favorites; most recently, Gwen Yi‘s Leo Full Moon Horoscopes took my breath away with the accuracy.
I began to mentally build my case against this differing opinion.
Look at music and art that people hear universal truth in. Then, diving deep into self-righteousness, I thought…hello, what about books?!
Certainly, we can agree that there is universal wisdom in books—this newsletter. Every week, I get messages from people who feel as though I am speaking directly to them.
I, myself, am forever being inspired by strangers, by nature, by the collective. We are a collective consciousness. The biggest lie that we tell ourselves in this lifetime is that of separateness.
My ego was having a field day with this “disagreement.”
The truth is, I don’t really know what this reader was getting at; possibly she was commenting on tarot readers on TikTok who say, “If you’re seeing this message, break up with them.”
I’m not on TikTok, but I imagine that’s what goes on there.
Oh, how my ego loves to luxuriate in imaginary arguments with strangers on the internet. The ire is always strongest when it’s a person you know and like, isn’t it? Or, better stated, a person whom we have projected our expectations onto and now feel betrayed that they are not the exact person we believed them to be.
Our ego says, “How dare they say or do something that diverges from my beliefs about them? Now I have to adjust my thinking.”
I try to consistently notice and not react to these feelings. I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of projection. Disappointing people is something I’m still learning to be okay with.
A few years ago, I had to set boundaries with a client after she began aggressively texting me. She insisted that we meet in person right now. “It’s not a matter of if. It’s when,” she said.
A little back story…
I had given her my phone number before she became a client. We first met in a mediumship class together. I later found out we did not meet by accident. She knew who I was and brought up specific, triggering things from my past to try and form a sort of bond between us. When this didn’t work, she tried other tactics.
Her final threat before I blocked her was, “You letting me down [by refusing to meet with me] is not the image you’re projecting to the public. You talk a lot about kindness and authenticity, and I think people would be interested to know that you’re not who you say you are.”
The truth is, I was not who she assumed I was. She had interpreted my caring and empathy in sessions to mean that I should be that way always and outside of our working relationship. To her, being “kind and authentic” meant giving her what she wanted, in this case, more time and attention, and right now.
I was talking to my mentor about another client last week, and he jokingly (I think?) related mediumship to being a sex worker. “It’s such an intimate act,” he said. “People can fall in love with you, want to consume you, and worse. You’ve got to protect yourself.”
With this client from a few years ago, my therapist had advised me to go to the police and report her various threats. It was the third time in the last six years that I’ve gone to the police for this reason since working professionally as a medium. I’m so grateful to have a therapist I trust. I fear I would not report threats if left to decide on my own.
They probably didn’t mean it that way
maybe they didn’t think showing up unannounced would feel threatening
“You’re going to regret this” could mean different things to different people
I would talk myself out of feeling unsafe and convince myself that I was being dramatic and overly sensitive.
To which my therapist would say you’re allowed to be sensitive towards threats.
Whenever these projections happen, I try to thoroughly review the situation and asses where I might have dropped the ball in setting boundaries and communicating more clearly from the beginning.
I find there is always something I have done to betray myself; sometimes, it’s just a slight boundary bending, but I can always find it.
I know I’m not responsible for people’s behavior, and I’m not blaming myself, nor should you, if this happens to you.
If you’re a highly empathic person, you‘re likely to attract people who will be upset when you refuse to pour energy into them.
Somewhere, there's someone upset with you because they feel entitled to more of your energy than you are willing to give them access to. Pray that they find what they need within.
-maryam hasnaa
I forgive myself for not setting boundaries to protect myself, and yet I want to do better.
The journey to unfold ourselves spiritually is truly fraught with missteps. We can find ourselves constantly negotiating with our intuition and desire to serve or be in our purpose. The greatest teacher for me has been my body and my intuition. They are one and the same.
It’s not always easy to know when a threat is real or percieved, but it’s easy to know when we feel threatened. If I get a bad feeling about meeting someone in person, I simply don’t do it. I no longer need to interrogate why I feel that way. I trust my body, and I trust my intuition.
As I write this, I’m inspired by how the natural world moves and changes direction without self-consciousness. The ravens nesting outside my office window take cover or defend themselves against real or perceived threats. Not wasting time to question and wonder what they’ve done to attract negative attention. Not stopping to wonder if they are being foolish or overly dramatic. Our bodies are nature and hold the same wisdom. I strive to honor this wisdom in small moments as well as crucial ones.
I strive to be the observer of the imaginary arguments with strangers on the internet. I try to hold myself with humor and grace.
Nothing I read will change the fact that there are universal messages the spirit world wishes for me to share with clients in readings and with the collective. While no two communications could ever be exactly the same, there are threads of universal truth. We all desire to be loved and seen, and we all feel pain and grief. We are together in our humanness.
May we remember we are all love at our core.
That when we feel lost, we can return home by connecting inwards toward our own light.
That we are worthy of this love, and our presence here is proof our lives are the miracle that can make us believe there is something more.
That we don’t have to do anything to earn this love; it simply is.
The way we hold mirrors to one another while can move us through our destiny. Our triggers can be a series of lessons. The love we feel for each other can be a reflection of ourselves.
We’ll learn more from looking inward than holding each other before mirrors. We’ll feel more love when we release the attachment to who other people really are, what they do, think, and feel.
Life allows us to be aware of it all and yet immersed in mystery.
There is so much freedom in trusting your instincts and giving up finding the explanations for other people’s behavior.
All answers lead me back to love and an open space of possibilities I have not yet considered. I hope to read this one day in the future and smile to myself about all of the things I didn’t know.
With love,
Sheryl
P.S. If you’d like to submit a question to my advice column, A Peek Behind the Veil, you can ask me anything about spirituality, business, relationships, or life. Tell me a little about your situation. It’s completely anonymous, and I will share advice and answers here in the newsletter.
Thanks for sharing your perspective Kristen! I agree with the accessibility aspect. Tarot is for anyone that feels curious about it. I say curiosity is our calling. 💖
My hot take on collective readings is accessibility, I feel they promote accessibility to tarot and oracle. I also see the value in them for deck creators as I feel it helps those interested in learning about tarot and oracle engaged and exposed to different decks and reading styles.
Imagine if someone walked into your house and saw your kid’s art handing up and commented that sharing children’s art is really diluting the art market – seems like a silly comment 😊
Of course, context is everything. My reaction stems from feeling like I had no place to try to learn Tarot to begin with. I used to feel it was only for members of a club I’m not a part of.
This person may feel like their expertise is on more of a one-on-one level and they have a need to protect themselves.
Social media is a wild space to navigate. Choosing what we consume and how we will interact with evolves as we evolve.
Thank you as always,
Kristen